When I was younger, I often wondered if I was normal. Did I look the way I was supposed to? Was I acting the right way? Was I fitting in enough or would this outfit perhaps be too special for school? These questions didn’t just pop into my head for no reason, they came from what I saw around me: Friends at school, magazines, social media, and even subtle comments from adults.

I know I wasn’t the only one. Almost everyone struggles with the idea of “normal” at some point in their life. Especially girls, and especially young girls growing up in a world where the pressure to fit in feels stronger than ever. But the truth is, there is no one single “normal.”

Why We Compare Ourselves

Comparison is something humans have always done. And on a survival level, it made sense: We looked at others to learn, to adapt, to improve and to survive. But in today’s world, where we are surrounded by images and expectations 24/7, comparison can easily become harmful.

Social media shows us perfect snapshots (yes, just one tiny moment) of people’s lives. School and work environments create unspoken standards about who’s smart, pretty, or successful. And even within families, there can be silent, or not so silent expectations about how we should behave.

And so we compare. We measure ourselves against others: Their looks, their achievements, their relationships, and often end up feeling “less than” and hope our lives or appearances would be a bit more like theirs.

The Problem with “Normal”

This is important: “Normal” doesn’t actually exist.

What’s normal in one culture might be totally unusual in another. What’s normal in your family could look strange to someone else’s family. And even in the same group, “normal” is constantly changing. It is influenced by various trends, beauty standards, or whatever happens to be popular at the moment.

Chasing “normal” is like chasing a moving target. You never truly arrive. And while you’re busy trying to fit into a box, you risk losing what makes you you.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself

So what can we do about it?

1. Notice the comparison.
   The first step is awareness. The next time you catch yourself comparing, pause and ask yourself: Why am I comparing right now?
2. Shift your focus back to you and what you’ve already achieved.
   Instead of thinking about what others have, think about what you’ve already done and what makes you proud. Gratitude is a powerful tool here.
3. Celebrate uniqueness.
   The quirks you try to hide are often the things that make you most interesting. Your style, your laugh, your passions: That’s your magic.
4. Choose your input carefully.
   Be mindful of what you consume. If certain accounts or people make you feel “less than,” it’s okay to mute or step back. Surround yourself with inspiration and ideas, not with pressure.

Use Jealousy as Fuel

Now here’s a twist: Jealousy doesn’t always have to be negative. In fact, it can be one of your greatest teachers.

When you feel jealous of someone, it’s usually pointing to something you want. Instead of sitting in self-pity, ask yourself: What does this feeling tell me about my desires?

For example, if you’re jealous of someone’s confidence, maybe what you’re really craving is to work on your own self-esteem. If you’re jealous of someone’s career, maybe it’s time to think about what steps could bring you closer to your goals. If you’re jealous of someone’s appearance, maybe you can use it as motivation to finally start going to the gym and to eat healthier! Or to learn more about your body type and the clothes, hair and make-up styles that fit you and make you feel more confident in your own skin.

Instead of letting jealousy drain you, use it as motivation. Let it be your fuel.

Teaching Kids (and Ourselves) Early

This is especially powerful for parents to remember. Children learn far more from what they see than from what they’re told. If they watch their parents constantly comparing themselves, they’ll quietly absorb the idea that this is “normal.”

Most of us grew up with this without even realizing it. A child who hears their mom criticize her body after eating dessert, or who sees their dad always complaining about a colleague who seems more successful, will begin to shape their own view of life through those moments. The patterns we model become the patterns they carry.

But if they see self-acceptance, kindness, and individuality being celebrated, they’ll grow up stronger. Praise your child for their effort, their creativity, and their kindness – not just their looks or successes. Encourage them to try new things, even if it means being different. Show them that “different” never means “less.”

Final Thoughts

So, what is normal? Normal is being true to yourself. Normal is wearing what you love, chasing the dreams that excite you, and speaking up in your own voice.

The next time you feel yourself falling into comparison, remember: You don’t need to fit into someone else’s version of normal. You get to create your own.